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Save
the Rednecks The
players: Sara: Billy: Skip: Fred: Scene
1: Actors:
Sara, is pleading with viewers to help save the rednecks. Setting
is an area of desks with people on the phone talking to callers, telethon style
with single person talking to the camera. Sara
(looking into camera and walking across set): Hi, I’m Sara McDougal for Save
the Rednecks, the oldest charity committed to keeping the rednecks in their
natural habitat. And with your continued support we will expand our program to
continue saving the rednecks while keeping them off of your lawns. And what’s
more is that it only costs you pennies a day. For your monthly payment of $14.95
you will receive a photo of your redneck, a letter from your redneck, and a
certificate that your redneck has been sterilized. Now let us look at these
dramatizations as to why you should help support Save the Rednecks. Scene
2: Actors:
Billy, is a Redneck struggling in the city who is trying to find an outhouse to
use the bathroom, finally just goes on someone’s lawn. Skip, the owner of the
lawn who chases Billy off. Setting
is the streets of Corvallis Billy
(walking with legs together, clutching his privates, acting like he has to pee
is wondering around): Where in tarnation is a dang blasted piss hole (walks by a
bathroom, keeps looking). Ohh well, guess I’ll has to just piss on that there
grass of this here mansion (not facing camera, acts like he is urinating on a
bush). Skip
(comes running out): What the hell do you think you are doing you moron with
shit for brains? Billy
(quickly zipping up his pants): Uh, well, I’m uh, pissin, cause I, uh
couldn’t find an outhouse anywhere. Skip:
You moron, nobody uses outhouses any more, haven’t you ever heard of indoor
plumbing? Billy
(long pause, scratching head): Huh? Scene
3: Actors:
Fred, is the redneck that can’t figure out a public bathroom (one in the
library with automatic faucets). George, normal person who walks in on Fred. Fred
(enters bathroom and heads for the sink, looks for the handles): Where in the
hell are the handles, these civilized folks gone forgot to put in the handles,
those dang blasted varmints (then accidentally puts hand under the faucet and
water comes out, looks astonished, continues to play with it and looks amazed). George
(comes out from stall after flushing, finds Fred): Are you all right sir? Fred
(turns and looks at George): This here water spring is possessed by evil demons. George:
No its not you hick, you just put your hands under here and wash. Fred
(grabs George and throws him away from the sink): No, don’t it’ll kill us
all!!! Scene
4: Actors:
Sara, is again pleading with callers on location in a Redneck hotspot. Setting
is a Redneck relocation camp where several rednecks are happily living. So
call the number on your screen today so that together we can help Save the
Rednecks now and in the future. I have been Sara McDougal for the Save the
Rednecks Foundation thanking you for your time and compassion, and reminding you
to give all that you can, because only you can prevent redneck fires.
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