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Jack The Ripper Man with gas terrorizes the city of Corvallis with his horrible farts, killing all in his path. Casey-Jack; Pam-Jennifer, a hooker; Robin-Emma, also a hooker Scene 1: Set is black background with dimmed lights. Jennifer is standing by a bush waiting for customers when Jack comes walking by. Jennifer (in a Long Island accent): Hey baby, what’s your pleasure? Jack (in a Scottish/Irish/or British accent): Are you talking me miss? Jennifer: Like ya. Who else I’s gonna be talken to? Jack: I wouldn’t know, but certainly not me, I don’t associate with your kind. Jennifer: Ohh, and what makes you so high and mighty? Jack: Nothing, I just don’t have the need for your kind. Jennifer: Ya, that’s what they all say sweetie. Now then, its fifty bucks for everything, how’s about’s it lover boy? Jack (angry): I told you no you whore! Now be gone with you! Jack turns and bends over aiming his but at Jennifer, and farts. Jennifer (gasping for breathe and waving air at her nose): Ohh my god! That stinks. Ohh, everything’s getting blurry. Jennifer (slowly falling to the ground): Is that you Sparky? Here I come boy, now go fetch that bone. Jennifer (now on the ground has a few seizures, then becomes completely still): Uhhh. Jack (in a Beavis voice): Ha ha, another one bites the dust! Jack (reaches down and takes a lock of hair from Jennifer): Just a little souvenir for my collection. (Walks off into the night). Scene 2: Same as scene 1. Inspector Starr stumbles upon the body of Jennifer. Starr: Well well, what do we have here. It looks like a dead body. I better call the police. Wait a minute I am the police. Hmm. A lock of hair is missing. Dang blast it, this must be the work of Jack the Ripper. I better go convene a grand jury to investigate this immediately. Scene 3: Set is black background with dimmed lights. Emma is standing by two bushes waiting for customers when Jack comes walking by. Emma: Lookin for a good time sugar? Jack (back in the UK voice): No and I suggest you reform your ways you tramp! Emma: Or what ya gonna do about it if I don’t? Jack: Well you see miss they call me Jack the Ripper. Emma: Ohh no, are you going to rip me to pieces with your long, hard knife? Jack (in a Beavis voice): Huh huh, you said long hard. Emma: What? Jack (back to the UK voice): No I’m not that Jack, the other one who kills by farting in ones general direction. Emma (calmly): Ohh, O.K. (now scared and running in a small circle) Ahhhhh, help me help me help me. Jack (turning to talk to the camera): I guess I shouldn’t have told her who I was. Jack (turning back to Emma): Now you must die you worthless ho. Jack (turns but on Emma and farts): Ohh what a relief that is. Emma: Ohh what a foul smell doth commeth from thou’s buttocks! And now I must bid adieu sweet life, farewell cruel world. Jack (in a Beavis voice): Ha ha, another one bites the dust! Jack (reaches down and takes a lock of hair from Jennifer): Just a little souvenir for my collection. (Walks off into the night). Scene 4: Same as scene 3. Inspector Starr stumbles upon the body of Jennifer. Starr: Interesting. It appears that we have another a dead body. Again a lock of hair has been cut off the victim. I better go subpoena the president immediately about this. Scene 5: Set is brick background with a table with hair on it. Jack is standing by the table and Starr comes walking by. Jack: Would you like to buy a wig made from freshly cut human hair? Starr: Well actually yes, I am in the market for a good wig. May I ask how much? Jack: I’d part with it for twenty bits. Starr: That sounds reasonable. (reaching into his pocket for the money) May I ask how you got the hair for such a splendid wig. Jack: I took it bit by bit from dead hookers. Opps. Starr: Very well, here is your money. Starr (walking off with the wig): Wait a minute something’s not right. Ohh, come back here sir I didn’t pay you enough. Jack: Well, O.K. Starr (Pausing, thinking) Wait, dead hookers, pieces of hair. You’re Jack the Ripper! Come here you fiend. Jack (in a Beavis voice): Bite me. Starr: I certainly will not bite you. But freeze or I’ll shoot! Jack starts to run, but Starr shoots him about thirty times. Jack (moaning on ground): Don’t you think that was overkill? Starr: Not at all, I was just doing my job. |