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Custodial
College The
Players: Henry-Quiet
psycho who likes to giggle. Mr.
Wilson-Professor of Custodial Engineering, strict, likes to belittle students. Sarah-Very
attentive student, tries hard-too hard. Carrie-Valley
girl who likes all guys, has never had to do anything in life. Ravi-Henry;
Mike-Mr. Wislon; Sarah-Robin; Carrie-Toni Ann Act
1 Scene
1: Set is a classroom with several chairs facing a chalkboard and table. Students
(Sarah, Henry, then Carrie enter from right, close door) enter and sit down in
the chairs. Mr. Wilson enters from left and stands by table. Students are
talking with each other. Mr.
Wilson: All right you maggots shut the hell up! (Students
quiet down) That’s
better. Now just remember to stay that way and we'll get along just fine. O.K.
then, do you all know why you are here? Henry
and Carrie have confused looks on their face, Sarah raises here hand and
squirms. Mr.
Wilson (pointing at Sarah): Well go ahead princess, answer the fucking question
already. Sarah
(exasperated look): What language! Mr.
Wilson: Just answer the question and save the commentary for some one who gives
a shit, O.K.? Sarah:
O.K., uhhh, what was the question again? Mr.
Wilson: Jeez, what am I dealing with, a special ed. Kid? Can anyone else answer
the question, please? Sarah:
I remember now, the question was what are we doing here, and the answer is that
we are here to learn from your great experience as a custodial engineer so that
one day we too can become custodial engineers. Mr.
Wilson: What a sack of shit. No, you are here because you need to get your
certificate to become toilet cleaners, and I'm here as part of a plea bargain
agreement. Go that? (Students nod head yes) Good. No get out a pen and copy down
what I write on the board. (Mr. Wilson turns to board and writes some random
formulas while Henry pulls out a knife and stabs at Mr. Wilson in the air). Sarah:
Mr. Wilson, Mr. Wilson, Mr. Wilson, he's got a knife! (Henry puts knife away as
Mr. Wilson turns around). Mr.Wilson:
Who has a knife missy? Is it Dracula, cause I don't see anyone here with a
knife. (to Carrie) Do you have a knife Miss? Carrie:
No sir I don't. Mr.
Wilson (to Henry): And how about you? Henry:
Nope. Sarah
(standing up and pointing): Yes he does. Mr.
Wilson: Sit down and shut up you public school reject. Sarah
(sitting down): But.. Mr.
Wilson: No buts about. Shut, up! No where were we, oh yes, back to the board
(Mr. Wilson turns back to the board, Henry pulls out knife and fake slits on
throat in direction of Sarah while giggling). Sarah:
He's doing it again Mr. Wilson! (Henry puts knife away). Mr.
Wilson (Still writing on board): If I have to turn around again, you're ass will
be grass and I'll be the god damn rot-a-tiller burying that ass and chewing it
into dirt, capisce? Sarah
(near tears): O.K. Mr.
Wilson: There are to be no more disruptions from the peanut gallery. Carrie
(to Sarah): Ha, ha. Mr.
Wilson: That means you too. Carrie:
Oh. Mr.
Wilson continues to write on board while Henry stabs at him, Carrie and Sarah
make faces at each other. Mr.
Wilson (finishing up on the board, Henry puts knife away as Mr. Wilson turns
around to face class, students all sit up straight and face the board):
Hopefully you all wrote this worthless shit down so we can now move on to some
new things. Such as not sticking your dick in the mop ringer. (Carrie pulls out
sucker and starts on it) Also make sure that there are no security cameras
around before stealing the merchandise. And most importantly don’t…(Mr.
Wilson gets flustered by Carrie's actions) umm, that was, uhh, don't, ahh the
hell with it, class dismissed, everyone get the hell out of here but you missy. Henry
(jumps up with knife out): No you don’t', she's all mine! (giggles and starts
chasing Mr. Wilson, eventually off camera. Carrie
(still playing with sucker): All that just for little ol' me (gets up and walks
off towards door). THE
END |