My Ode to FearDotCom:
You are a piece of crap,
Watching you is about as much fun a kick in the lap,
I really wish I could have given myself a lobotomy,
But instead I watched thee.

Yes, FearDotCom is all its been made out to be. Very bad. Bad acting, stupid plot, and horrible directing. The only thing they did right on this film was the special effects.

As to what happens in the story, I will keep it brief. Detective Mike Reilly (Stephen Dorff, Deuces Wild) is investigating a series of murders perpetrated by someone he calls the Doctor (he carves up his victims much like Jack the Ripper). Soon he runs into Terry Huston (Natascha McElhone, Ronin), who works for the department of health, who he called to have them check to see if a dead guy had some sort of virus. As it all turns out, he did have a bit of a virus, a computer virus. Sound plausible to you? It sure didn’t to me. Anyway, you know immediately that these two are going to get it on, and eventually they do. Meanwhile this ghost keeps showing up trying to get Terry to help solve her murder, which to everyone’s complete amazement (sarcasm) is related to the detective’s perpetrator. This ghost Polidori helps the two find the Doctor (Stephen Rea, The Musketeer) who broadcasts his killings via the Internet, thus the stupid name of this stupid movie. Anyway, yada yada yada, who gives a shit, the end.

Someone needs to lock-up director William Malone so that he is never able to direct another film again. FearDotCom is really that horrible. Some others who probably wish they were not listed in the credits are Udo Kier (Shadow of the Vampire), Amelia Curtis, Jeffrey Combs, Nigel Terry, Michael Sarrazin, Anna Thalbach, Joan McBride, Gesine Cukrowski, and Siobhan Flynn. Others who need to be shot because they hold responsibility for the creation of this monstrosity are writers Moshe Diamant and Josephine Coyle. I cannot emphasize enough how bad the acting was in this flick, nor can I emphasize enough how stupid the plot is. The only thing that could possibly make this film interesting is if you were drinking heavily before and during your viewing, it’s that bad. Obviously there is little suspense as to what I rate this crap (as there was little suspense in the film), which is one lonely couch out of ten, which puts it in the neighborhood of Freddy Got Fingered (which unfortunately I would actually have to say was a better film than FearDotCom).

Last updated: Thursday, March 20, 2008 02:48:21 AM

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