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Ladies and gentlemen this week's movie review features the Indie movie, the picture that has been lost in the recent slew of blockbuster releases, Titanic. It's a movie about a really big boat that sunk a long time ago. Get this, people were saying the thing wouldn't sink. Hee hee. Them bastards were wrong! It also focuses on the love story occurring between former soft core porn star Kate Winslet (Sense and Sensibility), and 13 year old's favorite heart-throb, Retardo Di Crapio. To all of you thinking wow slamming Di Crapio, he's gonna get a lot of women mad at him. Yes you're right. The under 17 girls, the ones that I won't be dating anyway. And to all the ladies who are over 18 and have a little crush on Retardo, two words, Jenny McCarthy. All the ladies know how sick they are of her, well it works the same way. Yep, now that I've broken someone's heart, to make things better the picture is a full three hours and 20 minutes. Yes for our friends with no ass, bring a cushion, a pee jar, food and rations, and a lot of patience. Now to the good stuff, like I've mentioned, the big boat sinks, wait, that reminds me of a joke, what's the difference between President Clinton and the Titanic? We know how many women went down on the Titanic. Hee hee, I love that one . The movie cost two hundred million dollars to make, and just this past Valentine's weekend all those chumps who went to see it for the fourth and fifth time made Titanic the third all time grossing movie, behind E.T. And the permanent number one, Star Wars. Other highlights of the picture include 14 Oscar nominations, none of which are best male actor, leaving Di Crapio with the shutout. Kate Winslet showing her breasts was good enough for an Oscar nomination, and all the other nominations I don't care to mention bring the total on up. If all our viewers out there, yes, hi mom, think perhaps I'm being sarcastic and didn't like the movie too much, then you must be smarter than the OSU accounting staff. When hearing about this amazing movie, with incredible special effects, heart wrenching storyline, and dazzling actors I was geared up for a heck of a picture. Instead what I got was Flava Flav reminding me, don't believe the hype! The special effects were wonderful, and the picture followed reality in terms of the sinking and people dying and all that, that's what saved it from a dismal review as far as I'm concerned. So sadly, and with a bit of fear on my life, I give the picture solid 7 couches out of ten. Some last minute tips however, guys if your girlfriend hasn't already seen it eleven times, take her, and the rest of the day she'll be all lovey dovey. Ladies, if your man hasn't already seen the newest Jackie Chan movie, take him to that, and it will pay off, but for the rest of us, tune in next week to out and about movie review, case-style!
Last updated: Saturday, October 28, 2006 05:37:20 PM |
