Religious Jokes

Get Your Hotdogs	Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs. "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards the cart. "Two dogs, please," says one. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige and he wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the nuns hurry over to a bench and begin to unwrap their 'dogs.' The mother superior is first to open hers. She begins to blush and then, staring at it for a moment, leans over to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"
Priests	There were three young priests who are about to take their final vows. The last test they had to pass was the CELIBACY test. For this, all three had to strip naked and tie a little bell around their penises. A belly dancer then entered the room, and started slinking around the first priest. "Ting-a-Ling......" The chief priest said "Oh, Patrick, I'm disappointed, you've failed. Go and have a shower." The belly dancer had stripped as far as her last veil for the second guy when the chief priest heard: "Ting-a-Ling......." "Joseph, I'm very disappointed. You can't resist the temptation of a woman. Go for a shower," said the chief priest. The belly dancer started dancing totally naked now around the last priest. She did everything erotic she could think of . ... but no bell rang! "John, I'm delighted. You've passed! You can resist the temptation of women. Now, go relax and take a shower with Patrick and Joseph" . "Ting-a-ling........" !!!
The Father	A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way. The man, who was a priest, said, "I am a Father." The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that." The priest looked up from his book and answered, "I am the Father of many." The boy said "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way. The priest getting impatient said "I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book. The little boy sat quietly...but on leaving the bus he leaned over and said...."Well, maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead."
More Nuns	There are two nuns. One of them is known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other one is known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent. SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants. SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us. SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most, what can we do? SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster. SM: It's not working SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster too. SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute. SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both. So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives. SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened! SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me. SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then? SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could. SM: And? SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me. SM: What did you do? SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up. SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do? SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants. SM: Oh, no! What happened then? SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down........ And those of you who thought it would be dirty, Pray for forgiveness.

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