Jokes About Women

Prego	A lady about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing. She complained to the driver and had the man arrested. The case came up in court. The judge asked the man what he had to say for himself. The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this, When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sign that said, "The Gold Dust wins are coming" and I had to smile. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, "Sloan's Liniment will reduce the swelling" and I had to grin. Then she placed herself under a sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick" and I could hardly control myself. BUT....when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this accident." I laughed out loud. "Case Dismissed" said the Judge.
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The Woman's Mind	A group of girlfriends are on vacation, when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads "For Women Only" Since they were without their boyfriends or parents, they decide to go in. The Bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors...go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide, since each floor has signs telling you what's inside" So they start going up, and on the first floor the sign reads "All the men here have it short and thin"...the friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor. The sign on the Second floor reads "All the men here have it long and thin". Still, this wasn't good enough so the friends move up to the Third floor. The sign read "All the men here have it short and thick". This was still another disappointment, but knowing there are still 2 floors left, they move on to the next floor. In the Fourth floor, the sign was perfect. "All the men here have it long and thick." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is one floor left. Wondering what they were missing, they go to the Fifth floor, where the sign read "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
Driving To Hawaii	A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of the sudden he said out loud, "Lord grant me one wish." Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to." The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think Would honor and glorify me." The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I have been married and divorced four times. All of my wives said that I am uncaring and insensitive. I wish that I could understand women, I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say "nothing" and how I can make a woman truly happy" After a few minutes God said, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
On The Road Again	Driving to work this morning on the Interstate, I looked over in the left lane and there was a man driving 70 miles an hour in a Mustang, with his face up in the rear view mirror using his electric shaver. I looked away for a couple of seconds, when I looked back he was half way over in my lane, still shaving. It scared me so bad, I dropped my eyeliner, which knocked the donut out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car with my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone from my ear, it fell into the coffee between my legs and DISCONNECTED AN IMPORTANT CALL!!!!! "DAMN MEN DRIVERS"!!!!

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